Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Modern miles for child development

Okay - I'm a tad competitive.  Not super competitive, but a bit.  And I like my kids to be ahead of average at all times.  So I spent a lot of time looking at the baby milestones, especially when Eldest K was a baby.  It was essential that she held her neck, smiled, sat, crawled and walked before average (check).  I was asfastidious with Middle E until she started going off on a developmental delay tangent with learning disorders and things (a blog for another day). Of course by the time I think of these things for baby G she's already doing them (She's sitting already?  Isn't that a bit early?  When's that milestone again?).  But here's the thing - they start to walk and all the good miles stones stop.  And as a textbook nerd, I like mile stones.  I think babies should be issued with sticker mile stone charts at birth.  I like stickers...

So anyway, based on my EXTENSIVE knowledge of children (I've had three after all) here are 25 useful mile stones that don't seem to make it into the baby books:

  1. 1. Stopping the explosion poo.  This milestone is reached about 2 days after breast feeding ceases.  It's more like a mile stone for mummy really.  And the washing machine...
  2. Placing the television remote to your ear like a telephone.  6 months.
  3. Pulling the cats' tails.  This milestone is reached about 2 weeks after crawling or bum shuffling begins - so about 8 or 9 months.  Curiously timed with the tasting cat food for the first time mile stone and discovering the phenomenon of cause and effect...
  4. Being so attached to a specific sleeping aid and having a massive wobble when it is lost or goes in the wash
  5. Being given a bowl of peas and not throwing it on the floor but just eating it - 14 months
  6. Discovering the concept of mine - and asserting it at EVERY possible opportunity - 15 months
  7. Responding positively to "Barney's says sharing is caring" - 18 months
  8. Having shoes or a hat put on and not pulling said item straight off - 2 years 2 months
  9. Wanting to do up own car seat - 2 years 4 months.  (I will SELF...)
  10. Recognizing MacDonalds and Coke as brands even though your mother has vehemently not allowed you anywhere near either - 2 years 10 months
  11. Wanting to choose own clothes, not understanding / caring that the don't match - 3 years
  12. No longer fitting into the seat in the trolley - 3 years 3 months
  13. Drawings resembling something other than a scribble - 3 years 6 months
  14. Using a touch screen on a smart phone, tablet or lap top.  The reaching of this milestone depends on how much time the parents spend on these devices.  Evolutionary scientists have proven that it is being reached younger and younger by the day. Approximately 4 years 2 months
  15. No longer having extra lines in the first letter of your name (Middlde E's E looked like combs for about a year) - 4 years 4 months
  16. Thinking you can do a cart wheel but actually just rolling around on the grass - 4 years 6 months
  17. Counting to 20 without excluding 15 and without including eleventeen - 4 years 9 months
  18. Wanting Lelli Kelly school shoes and being introduced to the concept of "too expensive" - 5 years 
  19. Telling which shoe goes on which foot/knowing which is the front of our your knickers/leotard/vest - 5 years 2 months
  20. Not waving at your parents during the Christmas play / ballet concert / music recital - 5 years 6 months
  21. No longer eating crusts, brown bread or cucumber even though you have done so since weaning - 5 years 9 months
  22. Thinking they know more than you about everything - 6 years
  23. Wanting ears pierced - 6 years 6 months
  24. Being able to drive the PVR/Tevo/iPlayer/V box and other important tevelision providing devices.  A very pleasant milestone. 7 years.
  25. Not wanting to watch toddler tv - moving onto CBBC - yes please - 7 years 8 months

Those with older kids please fill for the next 11 years...


  1. Unfortunately M's ability on #10 came way earlier. Repetition does matter, that's why Map says map 13x, and in the US McD is in every exit and corner it seems. Gah!!

  2. Great post! Would comment further, but my son is currently attempting the climbing on to the worktop to dip finger in the saucepan milestone (2 years, 2 months).