Top 10 things I have learnt about camping with kids

So went went camping for a few days.  It was excellent, although it drizzled and was gloomy a fair amount of the time, meaning that despite being next to "one of the 10 best beaches in Britain" (apparently) we never actually went to the beach.  But still - I found an environmentally friendly theme park that sells organic diet coke, that alone makes it a great holiday.

Anyway - hind sight is of course 20:20, so here are a few things I learnt this weekend:

1.  Packing wellies is a perfect heavy rain deterent.  Packing them (which takes up half the boot, we don't have small feet in this family, and you know what they say about men with big feet, they wear big wellies) is guaranteed to mean you won't need them.  Failure to do so will instantly result in a torrential down pour...

2.  Baby proofing a kitchen area when everything lives in crates on the floor is easier said than done.  Funnily enough cupboard latches do not help.

3.  Family showers don't really work for 11 month olds.  Take a baby bath.  Really.  Do not bath them in the sinks in the area reserved for doing the dishes.  You will get funny looks and tutting...

4.  Pitch tent near the play area and foot ball field.  Expect to see older children only at meal times and if it rains

5. Do not pitch tent too near the play area or foot ball field.  Otherwise all children in the camp site will assume your tent is the best place to stop in if an adult is required. (Also avoid using your teacher voice in public - otherwise totally strange kids will assume your are the nearest authority figure and will visit your tent looking for a referee)

6.  Pack a gazillion items of clothing for your youngest child if they happen to be a bum shuffler.  Even if it doesn't rain, it will dew.  There will be mess...  Do not try and keep said child clean.  Then there will be screaming and then there will still be mess.

7.  Take this opportunity to teach the older child about the wonders of doing the washing up.  However, ensure you send them in their swim suit for this life lesson.

8.  Always take your mobile phone with you on nature walks.  No matter how sure you are the kids will manage the walk, they won't, and if you can't call your spouse to pick you up in the car you may be forced to carry the kids back to the tent, or leave them to find their own way back after the 27th "little west"...

9.  Get your tent lined with black out material if you are in the UK, otherwise you will find yourself trying to keep an excitable baby quiet at 5.22 am.  Should you not have the black out blinds, ensure camping pitch is near a field of cows.  Babies like cows...

10.  Take more wine.  Pack what you think you need, then double it, and throw in another bottle or two for good measure.  Do not forget the cork screw.  Better yet buy screw tops or a 5l box.  Do not drink it out of a plastic cup, it will effect the nose...